- I like to leave the snow on the hood of my car, get on the expressway and pretend my ship is breaking up as I’m reentering the atmosphere
- I’ll buy, you fly RT @govsambrownback: I hope Kobach hasn’t already run out all of the Mexicans, I got a taste for chimichanga
- So it’s clear: there is no “I” in “team” and apparently no “anal” in “spooning” and now no “me” in our “bed”
- Better to have loved and got the clap than not clapped at all.
- For Lent I plan on giving up.
- Miss my @jenrq. Can’t wait to be home and kiss her. Hope the dishes and laundry are done so I don’t hafta beat her first.
- The quickest path between two points is my fist
- When I’m the only one awake & I hear a strange noise in the house I can hold my breath for an hour.
Like a ninja.
A scared shitless ninja - An apple a day keeps the doctor away. An apple in bed gets me “do you have to eat that like a goddamn horse? I’m tryin to sleep”
- I’m playing Russian Roulette and Chat Roulette at the same time.
- I numbered my corn before tonight’s dinner like the tennis balls in Poltergeist so tomorrow I can see which ones made it through
- “Cum at me Bro” - Marsha Brady
- Remember how old men would point with their middle finger? I’m bringing that back. In fact I’m pointing at you now
- Just fell back on to the bed while drinking the last sip of my RedBull. Making out with that can feels like the first time. Everytime.
- That shit cray RT@MittRomney: Ball so hard muhfuckas wanna nominate me.
- “Clever girl” - me spotting the Raptor sitting in the squad car hidden alongside the express way.