Friends of ours are in ChiTown and asked me for my food recomendations. Where do I begin? Where does it end? After exchanging emails all morning, I want simple and fresh classic chicago food in my face. Hurry Chsh. Hurry. My mouth is watering so uncontrolably Jen is following me around with sawdust.
M: Just had an awesome conversation with NoPantsOn.
J: Why was it awesome?
M: Didn't I just fucking tell you it was with NoPantsOn?
Mega Millions Rollover
If it rolls over it will go to 975 million. That’s only 25 million away from anal! Get the KY honey, I’m gonna buy all the tickets.
I’m trying to do one of those fake baby butt cleavage shots, but with my nuts and each pic looks like Abe Vigoda.
Making Strangers Laugh Is What I Do Part II
Me: (Making my next appointment with Daniel to get my haircut before CHSH)
Receptionist: Would you like an appointment card with the date and time?
Me: Yes, I have a small brain and forget things. My brain is slightly smaller than a pea but bigger than my weiner.
Receptionist: (covers hand with mouth)
TheDZA: yeah, that's Jude.
Making Strangers Laugh Is What I Do
Me: (walks to counter with Rasberry Ice Tea)
Girl at Counter: Can I get you anything else?
Me: Yes, I'd also like a non-winning Mega Millions lottery ticket.
Girl at Counter: (snorts)
Only 24 hours left to register for a FREE T-SHIRT from Keep America Beautiful and to help cleanup Topeka https://t.co/jJgkbmNW Don’t wait!
Displaying Your Confederate Flag
Is a proud way of saying, “I too get my ass kicked and then surrender like a little bitch.”
Facebook Christians all filling my feed with...
Tumblr Atheists all filling my feed with religion so I logged
Like very horny
Sitting on the back porch on a beautiful night...
Is nature’s way of saying, “Play with your balls. Swing free. Be one with outdoors, as I intended. Then as you begin to get a stiffy, let it be, settle and start again” And so it was.
To My Beloved
I sit on the inside looking out and ask how lucky am I? I wonder who would have thought being this happy was possible? I wish that everyone could be as in love with someone as I am with you. I kiss your lips and pity the rest of the planet. I adore you. I am enamored by you. I want to be as strong as you are. I smile wider. I laugh harder. I love sweeter. I cry happier. I long for...
Happy Birthday to the lovely and dear...
…and my wife
McDonalds vs. Xbox
Me: What would you guys like for breakfast?
Cam: McDonalds! (playing Xbox, never looks up and said in unison w/Paige)
Paige: McDonalds! (reading her Kindle, never looks up and said in unison w/Cam)
Me: Of course but what do you want to eat from there?
Paige: I already had breakfast.
Cam: From where? (never looks up for his game)
Me: Last time I'm going ask. McDonalds.
Cam: From where? (never looks up from game)
Me: ... (exits room, gets food, eats wonderfully and silently alone)
Left the house w/the babies to give Jen a break &...
Two minutes in they fall asleep. Now no errands. Who wants drive around w/me?
"I'm Gonna Get You"
Is all I have to say to start a stampede of squealing running kids.
CHSH Is Over
I’ve already played it out in my head one hundred million trillion ballzilloin gillion times. And it was magnificent.
Old Me vs. New Me
If old south side of Chicago, Irish me saw current Topeka me sitting at home on St. Patty’s Eve, not drinking and having a Wendys fish sandwhich and baked potato instead at the pub and fish fry… I’d push me down, run my knife up my boot laces and steal my boots right off my feet.
Are good for flexing and posing like old timey boxers, in your boxers.
I'm debt free
luckydo: Completely Paid off my student loan last Friday Cleared the bank Monday No more debt None Before I’m 30 Damn. That’s a good feeling. You’re buying lunch. And dinner. And the rest of 2012.
Something has got to be done. Everytime I hear that I pull into Sonic for a foot long. That Ugandan bastard’s gonna make me fat*. *= ter
CHSH HOTEL GROUP RATE EXPIRES TODAY
kellydeal: If you haven’t booked your room yet for the Chicago(ish) Nerd Camp aka CHSH at the Holiday Inn Mart Plaza, the group rate technically expires today so it’d probably be a good idea to get on it, turkeys. Info here.
Daylight Lovings Time
Around 1:59 a.m. I’m going to put on some Sade, wake up the wife and make sweet love to her till 3 in the goddamn morning.
All day I’ve been posting about Lu Lu and her crib. I just laid her down in her big girl bed and as the reality set in you could see the fear in her eyes. But she was strong. I was impressed and she served as inspiration to me as I ran from the room sobbing like a 2 year old girl that missed the comfort of her crib.
I liked Pintrest better when it was called "my sex...
Lu Lu won’t let me change her diaper so I sprayed her with Febreeze– The 10 year old
Poking At Giants
@MightyQuinn72: and Mexicans RT @RickSantorum: My election signs are all illegally on Topeka public right-of-ways because rules are for the Poor and Queers.
Jen: Why are you smiling like that?
Me: I'm thinking about the reaction to my last tweet. It was bad.
Jen: Was it about me?
Me: Ha, no. Rick Santorum and its offensive.
Jen: Don't forget your daughter follows you now.
Me: even better.
Jen: I'm going to go take a shower.
CHSH HOTEL ROOM
Do I Look Older?
March 9th is my HALF BIRTHDAY! 39 1/2! Go Judy! Go Judy! Its yo half Birthday! We gonna party cause it’s yo half Birthday!
Happy 24-Hour Respite from International Man Year!