What does a guy that never gets days off do when he gets a day off? take down christmas lights finish mowing cut down two dead trees get stuck in the ditch with the mower and gets pushed out by two drunk guys spray for weeds pull weeds hose all the shit off the driveway make up sex get a dead rabbit out of the window well wait what was that second to last one?
If one could convert anger into a power supply, I...
A hedge hog swallowed a brick whole while in my stomach cause I’m pretty sure that’s what I just shit out.
Vacation days are hard to take. You are given them contractually but when the company allows you to take them is a whole ‘nother story. The fact that we are crazy busy now with traffic and flooding means it would be even harder. Today is the last day of the month and because we are so busy they are throwing money at us. I was due to get out at 4am and gladly cause I stood to make more and...
MightyQuinn Use it.
Kansans needs to start rioting. This is... →
I Love these little blue birds that come out when I mow. I used to think I was cutting near a nest cause they all flew so close to me and franticly. I soon realized that they were eating the small bugs/little white moths that stir up right in front of the mower as I cut. They dive bomb and snatch em out of the air with such speed it hard to catch them with my cell phone camera. They are nowhere...
hidden-panda asked: Hey! I'd love to get a list of things you guys did in NO. I just posted a list of things I've looked at doing, probably too much to pack into 5 days, but I'll see what I can accomplish!
monkeyfrog: I don’t have many talents, but my superpower is saying and/or doing exactly the wrong thing every fucking time.
Work is a clusterfuck and in this chaos I’m distracted.
To photo reply and capture what I’m doing with that pics without capturing what I’m doing with those pics.
Don't Go Anywhere #Jewels
While I get the lotions.
I met Blagojevich once. He put his hand out and I told him he could shake hands with my dick. #truestory
Fair Market Value
Everyone thinks I love my kids but really I just talk ‘em up so they hold their resale value.
What was the most awful thing that made you insanely seething angry 15 years ago? Don’t remember? You won’t remember this either.
This Dick Munch
My cock knocker coworker just tried to explain to us how if someone’s birthday is today and you add their age and the year they were born it would add up to 111 or 11. He gave the example that he is 42, born in ‘69 so 42+69= 111. He also gave his daughter and grandmother as examples. I then told him that that works for anyone’s birthday on any day, on any year. He’s...
I just deleted 2 posts that said things I would say to my friends but I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly. I say things that other people dont. For realz.
Delay At Work
Can’t drive the train on tracks when mean ol’ water takes the tracks away. Like they do at your job.
#irishmexi and #monkeyfrog
Jude: It’s Hebrew and it says, “I am my Beloved’s and my Beloved is mine” Cary: Thanks for making me squeal out loud like a little girl in a van full of grizzly men (and one table). Ass.
Imagine the greatest clock pendulum a hundred stories tall that for a single swing, for a single second- it takes days. That’s how slow my day is going with this asshat. Longest. Day. Ever. Time is moving so slow, I could lay my head in a guillotine and pull the rope but die of natural causes before the blade mercifully reaches my neck.
The "New" Guy
Working with a guy that used to be management. Now he’s back in the ranks. Says those days are over, he’s one of the men. 4 times since we went on duty he has called “upstairs” to talk to his buddies. That’s funny, I thought he was one of us, the men sitting at this broken ass breakroom table? Our introduction- Me: How ya doing, I’m Jude Him: But...
reblog if you'd fuck one of your followers
30secondstojersey: imallaboutsex: Some Just one. And she’s probably reading this in the car right now. I’ll probably get a text because of it. Watch. All of them.
93 XRT Radio Chicago
You don’t go any old place that’s cornball style, you just go. The idea is it builds up after all week - now i f you wanna stay cool you got to win
List of What I Ate At The Taste Of Chicago
I ate everything below. Other than where indicated everything was the Taste sized portions or a bite of someone else’s. We shared a lot. 1. Maxwell St. Polish 2. Chicken sausage 3. Chicken Taco 4. Encilada 5. Spicy meatballs 6. Sesame Beef on a stick 7. Potato Perogi 8. Maine Lobster roll 9. Chicken wrapped in bacon 10 Crab ragoon 11. Fried corn bites 12. Pot stickers 13. Frozen...
This is definitely Lower Wacker Drive.
I LOVE/miss saying "a beef with sweet, dipped"
I even missed the Dan Ryan.
Taste Of Chicago
What. A. Great. Day. I beat #3 kid in the contest of most samples. Cam: 22 Me: 30. Today I said fuck that diet, I’m homesick. I’m happy, Jen’s happy and the kids are happy. What a great wonderful glorious delicious day.
My Kansas family have now had a Maxwell St. Polish...
Gyro, thin crust pizza and fried zuchini. Choo choo! Next stop my thigs!
Gyro, thin crust pizza and fried zuchini, ugh. Choo choo! Next stop my thighs.