Chinese For Dinner
Kid #3: Can you speak Chinese?
Me: It's Mandarin and I can say 'please' and 'thank you.'
Kid #4: Say 'Please.'
Me: Pin Yin.
Kid #3 and #4: (in unison) PEEING!!
Winter Beard Fun Facts #47
Besides catching food and spittle it’s also a Dream Catcher. Just close your eyes and let me lay it on your face. Shhhh, now dream. No. Quiet sleepy time. I know what I’m doing. Shhhh. Just try it. Shhhh, you’re falling asleep. Yes you are. Yes you are. Yes you are. Yes you are and I’m catching your dreaOUCH! Alright I’ll stop.
First Paula Abdul, now Charlie Sheen. Someone stop Emilio Estevez before turns another person bat-shit crazy.
And The Oscar Goes To...
Charlie Sheen for his accurate IRL portrayal of bat-shit crazy Mike Tyson.
eject: HENRY IS THE WARLOCK WITH TIGER BLOOD →
kellyoxford: We’ve always laughed about Henry’s high tolerance for pain, (‘I got this black eye when I ran into the wall 10 minutes ago. It’s okay.’) so 8 days ago when he came out of his Grandpa’s office on the verge of tears—we knew it was dead serious. “I was shutting the door and it caught on my nail…
REVOLUTION NOW: I had an abortion yesterday. →
revolutionnow: Why is it not okay for me to be open about that? Why is it acceptable for other people to act as though I am being inappropriate by saying this aloud? It affects my ability to function in my daily life. I had a surgery. My hormones are out of wack. My body is recovering from a trauma. I should…
There Are Nine Kids In The House
I don’t wanna toot our own horn but on a scale of 1 to 10, one being dorky parents and 10 being the coolest, we’re a solid 2.
Anonymous asked: You came to my door around 5pm, campaigning for Chad Manspeaker. That made me interested in him. But, his site is not very informative. What does he stand for? And against? I know that local races do not (in Topeka) carry a party line. Is he anti-choice? Does he hate gays? Will he fix the massive potholes on 21st St from Gage to Burlingame?
I like to be an informed voter. Let me...
I like to be an informed voter. Let me...
monkeyfrog asked: I was trying to imagine you dancing around in the empty train but I have no idea how tall you are so it was hard to picture.
Oh Snow You Didn't
I haven’t seen this many people upset about six inches since everytime I return from the bathroom at the bar while playing the game “Guess Who Sees My Junk First”
Time to shower, get on a train, take millions of dollars of freight hundreds of miles for a multi-billion dollar company, safely.
My Grandchildren Footing The Bill
whine my grandchildren hafta blah blah bailout for the auto industry sob Report: GM announces 4.7 billion in profit only 20 months after given bailout. Man I want stock in that fucker sniffle
Distance can accelerate a corrupt relationship down in flames but it can make a...– (via inlovewithasailor) Relevant n stuff. (via aimee-b-loved)
How Many Different Ways Can You Spell 'Gaddafi'? →
morrowplanet: 112, according to ABC news That’s AWESOME! I’d be like “baby I didn’t have sex with that hoor, it was that Qhadaffi dude, I swear.”
Could Sure Use A Hug
Of my dick with your mouth.
Follow dysolution for a live blog of the Wisconsin... →
Why can I never post a pic?
Tumblr android apps? Hmmmm?
In the kitchen cook/dancing with the Ihome on shuffle. Kids are all home from school with an additional kid sleepover, so there’s a dozen eggs, hashbrowns and a package of bacon going and …laughter. These our days.
Upcoming Travel Plans
Sometime in the next two weeks: Chicago to testify as a witness. March 20-26: Pheonix visiting the in laws April 26-30: New Orleans for the Jazz Festival/Mumford and Sons There’s one missing: CHSH. I can’t swing it for a boat load of reasons. That makes me super duper bummered. I don’t even want to be on the Tumb or the Twitt when its going on. Fuckz.
Jump, and you will find out how to unfold your wings as you fall.– Ray Bradbury (via loveyourchaos)
All of my love and thoughts and prayers are with @califmom and her surgery this morning.
I am so lucky I am so blessed I am so in love with you I am honored and so humbled to be your husband You are my sweet beloved You’re my lover You’re the reason for my life And you’re so very perfect to me We have known loss and loved ones have passed, because of this we appreciate how fragile everyday is. Today people celebrate what we live everyday We fall in love all...
Happy Birth/entine’s Day
Payton's 13th Birthday party last night →
Birthdays don’t happen in our house without a cake fight and I win. Always.
Blunts, booze, (1am) baby bottle and bitches. “One of these things is not like the other - which one, can you tell me now?”
Remind me later
I’ve got issues with grown men taking a piss in the mens room. But I don’t enough time for that now. But ohhh nelly…
Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours...– H. Jackson Brown (via jeniscagnetti)
Chocolate Sweet Chocolate
Gone for a day and half. Get home 10pm. Everyones crashed with evidence of Dairy Queen and a box of chocolates long gone. Lay down and before I can fall to sleep, the baby cries. We get up together, he has a bottle and I have a sandwich. He’s back in bed and I can’t wait to follow suit. This is my sweet life. Could be *sweeter* with some goddamn Fannie Mae Buttercreams or a DQ...
Why Tumblr why can’t I post a picture? You error occuring fucks.